Rain is God's Pee. There... I've said it. Now sue me. Just like you and not me, the Great One takes a leak whenever nature comes calling. I get rid of my wastes with more sophistication. I don't just unzip my pants and shower over Argentina unexpectedly. Or when looking for a laugh, deluge poor India. I'm afraid I cannot reveal what my sophisticated methods are; but know this mortal, as we speak my pee is being actively converted into petroleum. Yes. I am conscientious about falling petroleum levels. Or would you rather have me flood your backyard for two days in a row? That would just crack up everyone here. But believe you me, dangerously full bladders are distastefully destructive.
Who am I? And what do I know you ask? I am a proud Deva, and I come from the rich bloodline of Lord Indra himself. Son of Poonduswamy, my name is Nutyurswamy. So listen carefully, for what I have to say is the truth. As for you doubting Thomases, who dismiss me with an irreverent wave of your hand, answer this - How does water fall from the skies? What are light drizzles? Why do cloud bursts? Why does it rain acid? And, why does the rain in Spain fall mainly in the plain? I will now proceed to dispel all the lies you have learned from your sissy science books. I will reveal to you a sacred chant from the Rigged Veda. A powerful incantation that will fill you with all worldly knowledge, and leave you with extraordinary insight into God's own urinary system. Sing with me O mortal.
Shower of Blessings
In the skies there lives a bladder,
Now and then it leaks.
Sometimes for weeks and weeks,
Now and then it peaks.
When it's full it likes to take,
What we call a piss.
And, when the Great One, hasn't drunk much water,
It maybe even hiss.
Sometimes he likes to fart,
Children call that thunder.
Sometimes he likes to please,
Children with his shower.
When he's frigid and quite cold,
(Now that is very often)
The Great one likes to squat and say,
"You deserve this precipitation!"
Hail and sleet, may make you bleat,
By Jove! They've made him tougher!
For passing those is no mean feat,
When you've got an ulcer.
In the skies there lives a bladder,
Now and then it leaks.
Sometimes for weeks and weeks,
Now and then it peaks.
When it's full it likes to take,
What we call a piss.
And, when the Great One, hasn't drunk much water,
It maybe even hiss.
Sometimes he likes to fart,
Children call that thunder.
Sometimes he likes to please,
Children with his shower.
When he's frigid and quite cold,
(Now that is very often)
The Great one likes to squat and say,
"You deserve this precipitation!"
Hail and sleet, may make you bleat,
By Jove! They've made him tougher!
For passing those is no mean feat,
When you've got an ulcer.
I agree that this great revelation leaves you with mucho disgust. Now, not all revelations are joyful. I know you're thinking of all those times you danced wildly in the rain. Opened your mouth to the skies and drank in greedily. Or did a little jig, kicking at the water around your feet. Sigh... fun times weren't they? Ya, but definitely not wise. Lest you forget...
Remember!
Precipitation = Urination
(To be chanted 5 times during ablutions.)
